This just happened a few hours ago.
Like a lot of folks I have tons of body hair. So I recently upgraded my Philips body hair grooming tool. I have had a lot of luck with these things and frankly speaking they prevent me from looking like a forest creature. I shave my beard/chest/back/legs usually.
Usually is the key word. Tonight I was going to trim and then shave my man bits. I decided this would save time and would be a good test of my new gadget. I put on the smallest blade guard on the side for body hair. In this moment someone made a faustian deal with the devil causing the blade guard to fail. I felt some minor discomfort. I didn't think much of it and moved on knowing I had a minor scratch.
Instead I decided I'd shave my armpits then I would move back down to take care of the lower half. I was sitting on the toilet seat when something felt damp. I looked down and my heart skipped a beat when I saw the fucking ocean of blood I was sitting on. No idea how I didn't feel this sooner. We're talking psycho shower scene level of blood. Sliced my testicles clean open on the thing.
Ashed and in denial I attempted to take a shower hoping this would sort itself out. The staggering pain began to kick in so I asked my wife to take a look. She immediately drove me to the ER. Fast forward a bit and now I've got 2 stitches and a hospital I don't feel like I can go back to ever.
TL;DR : I sliced my testicles open on a body hair trimmer earning me 2 stitches and a lifetime of shame.
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