Hi, I'm your ISP. Now that I'm not limited by net neutrality over-regulation, life is going to be better for you.
Reddit and those other news sites you visit are niche sites and as such have a lower routing priority. If you would like to prioritize them with full enhanced speed, please upgrade to the niche news site plan. An additional $9.99 per month. Sorry, they're so slow right now.
You've noticed all your https traffic is slow now? Easy fix: install this software which proxies all your HTTPS traffic through our fast and secure gateway. This lets us add "supercookies" to all your web requests. We then sell your name and address to operators of sites you visit.
And what's great is that now we can insert our own advertisements into the websites you visit. Now we can finally take revenue from Google and Facebook and become our own advertising empire. We've wanted Google-money for a long time, but we've never had a way to force ads on users because we don't offer compelling services.
With the recent increases in Netflix and YouTube prices, we recommend you subscribe to ISPFlix. It's an additional $24.99 per month which is half the price of Netflix. We've wanted Netflix money for a long time, but we've never had a way to force users to use our services over Netflix. Now we love cord cutters.
Oh, you've noticed the decreased traffic to the website you operate? That might be due to your site being so much slower for users. If you'd like your site to be faster, please pay the additional expedited content service fee. It's an additional $299 per month.
Oh, it looks like you have a smart thermostat installed. That's an extra $9.99 per month for the home automation service plan. We'll block packets that look like they're from your thermostat for now. We should let you know we offer a full home automation and security product. It's a terrible product that is not competitive.
See? Regulation to make sure we won't block or slow down sites or alter your traffic just doesn't make sense. It's totally not important to anyone, but we are going to promise we won't block or slow down sites. Our terms and conditions may change at any time.
Yes, we know you were already paying a lot each month. Increasing your costs will allow our executives and owners to make more money.
Lastly, my sincerest thanks to Ajit Pai. Ajit, we have a job waiting for you! Corner office. Just give us a call.
by workswithrobots http://ift.tt/2hSfQzS
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